The Carnal Anomaly
by CertifiedShipper
Summary: Sheldon and Amy wake up very confused and very naked. What happened between them? Oneshot. Shamy.


**I'd have to say the hardest part about writing a Big Bang Theory story would be naming it! **

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As soon as Sheldon Cooper woke up that morning, he was uncomfortable.

This wasn't his room, and it certainly wasn't his bed. He was also on the edge instead of in the middle where you had no risk of falling out during the night and-

And he was naked.

Immediately he sat up and looked around. It was only a second before he realized he wasn't alone. Amy Farrah Fowler was laying in the bed, back to him, and to Sheldon's dismay, also appeared to be without clothes.

"Oh…" Sheldon spoke quietly and raised a tentative hand over to the bedside table.

_Knock knock knock… _"Amy." _Knock knock knock… _"Amy." _Knock knock knock…_ "Amy."

Amy awoke at the gentle knocking with a pounding headache and the feeling that she was not alone. She turned her head without getting up, and her eyes widened.

"Oh my god."

Sheldon didn't speak, just looked down at her. She began to get out of the bed before realizing that she wasn't wearing anything under the covers. Looking at her boyfriend's bare chest, she concluded that he wasn't either.

After a minute or two of awkward staring, Amy's phone began to ring. She reached over and picked it up off the ground where it lay. She also saw Sheldon's pants thrown into a corner.

_Leonard _the caller ID told her.

"Hello?"

"_Hey Amy, I hate to bug you in the morning, but is Sheldon with you? He didn't come home last night and I've called him a bunch of times with no answer."_

"Oh?" Amy asked, trying not to sound guilty as she looked over at the man staring intently at her.

"_Yeah, I'm just a little worried because that's not normal behavior. With my luck, he got arrested or something, wouldn't be the first time."_

Amy laughed uncomfortably. "Uh, don't worry Leonard, I'm sure wherever he is, he's alright. I'll go look for him, even."

"_Oh, okay. I'll come pick you up, we can look together."_

"No! Uh, I mean... No, don't do that. In fact, don't even bother looking for him. I'll find him, I promise you."

"_But I-"_ Was the last thing Leonard said before Amy hung up the phone and tossed it away like it was on fire.

"Sheldon, Leonard's looking for you. I think we should head over there."

"I will as soon as I put on my clothes. Avert your eyes, please."

Amy sighed and looked down. She felt Sheldon's weight leave the other side of the bed, but she didn't bother to peek, like she normally would. She knew she was in quite a bit of trouble already.

He walked around to the other side of the room to retrieve his pants, eyeing Amy all the while. He'd been analyzing his situation, and from what he'd pieced together so far, he and Amy had to have done _it._

That thing that was unthinkable to him. That thing that all of his friends were so worried about, that they seemed to enjoy so much, that they even got in fights over. He and Amy had had sex.

Once he was dressed, he turned to Amy. She was still looking down.

"I'll leave you alone to dress yourself."

With that, he walked out. He sat on the couch, waiting on her. She sat in her bed, thinking about how it could have happened.

It wasn't because they had been drinking, because they hadn't. And even so, she could hold her own a little better than Sheldon, and they both had common sense. She remembered the last time they both got drunk, at a hotel in Boston.

_They had gone for a conference. Everyone in the gang was there, but they were all off doing their own thing: Penny and Leonard were already in their hotel room, Howard and Bernadette had gone to see a movie, and Raj was out at a bar. Sheldon and Amy were in a restaurant, one that he had approved but was still skeptical about. Amy ordered her wine and Sheldon had ordered his iced tea._

_A few drinks down the road, Sheldon was getting a little too loose. Amy had noticed, and when the server came back with the bill, she read it through._

_Long Island Iced Tea?_

_Yes, Sheldon was a little tipsy. He drank at a normal speed but since he was still unfamiliar with alcohol, he felt the effects faster. Amy sighed and paid for the meal. She waved down a cab outside, but when the two slid into the backseat, Sheldon reached forward and tapped the cab driver on the shoulder._

"_Take us somewhere we can dance!"_

_After his three 'iced teas' at dinner, he was clearly without inhibition as they pulled up to a club and Sheldon got out. _

_Amy once again paid for the drive, and Sheldon told her to hurry up._

_The club wasn't a big popular place (they only waited in line for ten minutes and weren't turned away) but the bar was top notch. Amy wanted to be responsible, but as she walked up with Sheldon to order some water, a redheaded girl began to buy shots for everyone present._

"_You two! Drink!" She cheered as she bounced behind Sheldon and Amy._

"_Bottoms up" He'd said, winking at her. She felt butterflies. But this wasn't Sheldon, and she knew that. _

_Sadly, the drinking continued. Amy felt worse and worse the more she drank, while Sheldon just kept feeling looser. She tried to lighten up, but she knew Sheldon would be pissed when he awoke tomorrow with a hangover._

_The two of them, almost completely hammered, got into another cab and headed for the hotel. Everything was a blur as they entered the dark room and Sheldon crashed his lips into hers. _

_His hands tangled in her hair as he brought her face closer to his and her hands were pushing against his chest. He pulled away only to take a breath, and kissed her again with such force that she stumbled backwards and hit the wall. _

"_Sheldon" she managed to say just before he kissed her again, and he stopped. "I don't think this is a good idea."_

"_Amy, please. I know what I'm doing."_

"_No, Sheldon, you don't. I know you like me and I'm the only one you're really-physical-with and I respect that, but I'm not going to do this with you. You'll regret it."_

"_No I won't. Amy, I-"_

"_You are really drunk, and I tried to stop you, and you're going to be so mad in the morning, but I'm not going to take advantage of this. It's not right, neither of us will be really consenting."_

"_Amy, that's ridiculous." _

"_Fine, Sheldon. You want to sleep together? We'll do it when you're totally sober. That's the only way. Goodnight." Amy said before swiftly moving to the bathroom and closing the door. She locked it and pressed her back on it, desperate to put something between them. _

'_Sheldon's never like this' she thought to herself. She drew in a long breath and vowed to never let him drink again. _

He was relieved that Amy prevented anything from happening that night and embarrassed of his actions, but they got over it.

Sheldon was still sitting in the living room when Amy came out. He was reading a document, and looked quite concerned.

"What?" Amy asked.

"Read this. They appear to be notes from last night."

"'Perspiration, Dizzy Feeling, Increased Sexual Desire, Raised body temperature', and we were working with this stuff…"

"So we were otherwise induced. I still don't understand why we can't remember anything."

There was a knock on the door

"Amy? It's Leonard."

"U-um, hold-hold on!" Amy stuttered, shoving the sheet of paper in between the cushions of the couch.

"Are you okay?" His voice came again.

"Yes! I'll be there in a second, I just-" in her rush to get past Sheldon, and his rush to hide in her room, they collided and both hit the ground hard. "Ah! Oh, ow! Ow!" She hissed in pain, holding her elbow.

"Amy? Oh, crap. I'm coming!" Leonard shouted from the other side of the door, and a few seconds later, it was open. He stood, eyes wide, at the scene in front of him.

"Leonard! How did you get in here?" Amy shouted from her place on the floor. Sheldon was already on his feet and the two men were frozen.

"I… I used Sheldon's key… Did… Did you guys…?"

Amy hung her head in defeat and Sheldon shook his head furiously.

"Nope, not us, no, no coitus, no, no, no, we did not."

"Sheldon, you're at her apartment in the morning after not coming home last night, you're both wearing the same clothes as yesterday, and you look awfully guilty."

"Look, don't tell anyone, okay? We don't know what happened, and we're trying to figure it out, we just don't need everyone pestering at us right now." Amy stood up from the floor and Sheldon remained frozen, like a deer in headlights.

"I won't tell anyone, in fact, I'll even try to help you. What's the last thing you remember?"

Leonard's question was met with silence as Amy studied the floor and Sheldon turned his back to them, biting his fist. He had an eidetic memory and even he didn't know how this started.

Amy sighed and pulled the sheet of paper from the couch. "This is all we have to work from." She said, handing it to Leonard.

"Increased sexual desire?" He asked after scanning the paper. "What is this stuff?"

"That's what we're trying to figure out. We completely blanked on last night."

Leonard sat down and rifled through the papers and vials on the coffee table. He found what appeared to be the 'page one' to the notes they had found.

"You two were _testing _anesthetic?" He said in disbelief "What the hell is wrong with you two?"

"We weren't testing anesthetic, our brains function normally."

"More than just _normally, _my brain functions _superiorly._" Sheldon interjects.

"Shamy 4 eva" Leonard read from the paper. The words had been scrawled in a heart on the corner of the notebook.

Sheldon's eyes widened, and Amy noticed. "What?"

"I… I remember. You wrote that! You wrote that and I…" Sheldon blushed but continued, visibly embarrassed. "I said… it didn't have enough hearts."

"What's next?"

"We… we started kissing, and everything seemed to happen really fast…" Sheldon spoke slowly. "We ended up in your bedroom, and… Oh, god."

"What?"

"I remember everything" Sheldon said, covering his face with his hands.

Amy and Leonard exchanged looks, and Amy promptly looked away, embarrassed.

"We were complaining about the heat, so we removed clothing-why on earth did we think that would be a good idea?- after a while, we were just so… nude. But it seemed like once we were in the bedroom, whatever had come over us was deteriorating. Slowly, but it was happening. You, Amy, were so nauseous that you left the room, and I remember us being too tired to do anything, so we just got into bed and… cuddled."

"So that means…"

""I'm still a virgin!" Amy exclaimed, only a second later muttering "Aw, crap, I'm still a virgin."

"But I still want to know how." Sheldon spoke from his spot behind the couch.

"Uh, I think I know…" Leonard remarked, lifting a sheet of paper and peering under it. A vial was open and had spilled on the table. "The effects must have worn off, though, or else we should get out of here."

The couple breathed a sigh of relief, and Amy finally realized that her fingers had been twisted into an uncomfortable position, she hadn't realized it while she was so nervous.

"Alright, well you two obviously had quite a night, so Sheldon, I'll bring you home and we'll let Amy get some rest?"

"Actually, I think I'll stay." Sheldon said, making Amy look up at him.

"Well, Sheldon, that's really up to Amy…"

"He can stay…" Amy mumbled.

"Okay, well, just let me know if you're planning on staying the night again" Leonard chuckled, earning pointed glares from both Sheldon and Amy. "Alright, I'm gonna go."

After Leonard had left, Sheldon turned to his girlfriend.

"Amy?"

"Yes?"

"This experience has given me quite a bit to think about."

"Oh?"

"Yes. I think we need to expand the relationship agreement's 'sexual activity' section"

"How?"

"I think it's time to take our physical relationship to the next level, we've had a few too many of these 'blackout almost first times' for my liking." He stated.

Amy tried to mask her excitement. She was finally going to get some from her boyfriend.

"How do you suppose we do that?"

"I guess we'll have to meet at some point and engage in coitus." Sheldon said matter-of-factly.

"Well, we're alone now…"

"You're exactly right." Sheldon said. "This counts as spontaneous, right?"

Amy rolled her eyes and leaned in. They kissed once, twice, three times.

"I think that's enough contact for the week, I'd like to go home now."

Understanding that Sheldon was not entirely comfortable with this wasn't hard for Amy, so she simply smiled. It would happen when it happened.

"Alright, I'll take you home."

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**This has been my first Shamy fic. Please review, as it keeps me young.  
**


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